Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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