So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
