you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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