That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
