YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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