On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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