She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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