I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
