hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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