There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
