Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
