We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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