I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
