I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
