would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
