I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
