I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
