So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
