So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
