you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
