@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
