HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
