look no pants
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
