Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
