life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And then he peed in my hair
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