Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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