the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
