She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
