Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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