I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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