I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
