I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
