One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
