we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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