just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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