I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Green mimosas i think yes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
