i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
