so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
