The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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