i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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