I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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