OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize