Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize