I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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