help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
