just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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