is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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