Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
