I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
