Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
