remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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