I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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