i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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