sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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