cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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