So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
