no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
