she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
