Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
