the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
