Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
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i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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