Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
