He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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