Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
