You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
