her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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